Halloween in a foreign land

United states of America has a few traditions that it can call it's own. The country is also home to millions of immigrants that it has embraced over several years. Even after generations of assimilation, many immigrants are not able to fully comprehend and embrace all of the traditional festivals of their father country. When I came into the country as a starry eyed young adult alien many of these traditions baffled me too. Why wait till thanksgiving to get together with family? Why should we donate new unopened gifts to the poor. Where I came from, they used happily take used anything and yet people tried to pass down the hand me downs till they got worn out instead of donating. Why have father's day and mother's day and wish them only on that day? But one festival made sense right from the first time.

It was a chilly night, onset of winter. We had left the porch lights on because that is what we do, lest goddess Lakshme see our dark uninviting entrance and turn her back. Two tikes came knocking on my door and screamed trick or treat. I turned my head to look at my husband with a puzzled expression. He asked me to dole out some chocolates and they screamed 'happy halloween!' and left. I was even more clueless now. In a country where you have to be careful about even making eye contact with children of strangers, why are kids coming home to home and taking whatever junk is being handed out to them, from strangers? Nevertheless as the word spread that "Ferrero Rocher" is being handed out I got more and more of them young things all dressed up and trying_to_be_scary_but_ended_up_looking_cute bunch. In a place with no relatives and few friends I ended up having the time of my life. For once I connected to a foreign festival almost instantly.

I grew, had kids, the land, the customs grew on me. Halloween was the most special. It reminded me of the festival Sankranthi, back home where me and my sisters used to get decked up and went from home to home exchanging 'yellu-bella'. This was even more fun, the kids had to just dress up and their candy would be handed to them. This one also had the added advantage of no gender bias. And then came the time to return back to our roots. There were tons of things I would miss, Halloween featured among the top few items at that time.

Again a chilly night, onset of winter. I read a email from the cultural committee of my housing complex asking kids to assemble at a certain common place for Halloween in the late evening. I was thrilled. To top it, the next day of Halloween was Kannada Rajyotsava, a guaranteed holiday in Karnataka. With no tension of next day's school or office I ran behind my over excited kids to the common place. There were dozens of those little young faces that I see everyday. The kids went knocking the doors of the houses of well known neighbors and not strangers and there were enough of them to tire your feet. The kids had a blast while the parents chatted up on the latest whatever_was_bothering_them at that point. As we came home and spread out all the collected sugary loot along with our really tired legs, I looked at the excited and happy faces of my kids and felt happy and grateful for that little piece of fatherland that we got here with us.

The sisterhood of hand me downs.

It is that time of the year again when my son just turned a year older. My mental alarm for an yearly ritual I  do keeps going off. The ritual of sorting his clothes into inheritable and non-inheritable stacks, the ritual of washing and stacking it into a neat cardboard box labelled with the son's name and age.

 As I sort each piece, I can't help the trip down the memory lane. The pajama with colored sketch pen stains remind me of the time when he colored all over the place including himself, all over the place except for the clean white sheet that he was supposed to color on. There is this another jacket which became his favorite for no particular reason. It was so worn out by use that I had to sneak it out of his wardrobe and pretend I did not know what he was talking about when he kept asking for it. The most emotional one was of-course the reminder of  how many people loved him enough to present him with clothes which had his favorite characters, maybe something funny written on it which was so apt, his favorite colors and styles.

This is not just a box of clothes, this is a box of memories that will be passed along from head to head, from brother to brother, cousin to cousin. Every mother who does this ritual eliminates the old and stained from the stock and adds her own fresh new collection ensuring a box full of nice clothes will be passed on to the next kid in line.

As I seal in the box to be placed in the garage, I also give mental thanks to the humility of my sisters and sisters-in-law who accept my box with all their heart despite of being able to afford a whole closet of  new ones probably of their own choice. I thank them not only because they are helping me recycle the clothes, they are helping me recycle something much more precious than that. As I see the little tykes spring around doing unmentionable things in what once used to be my child's favorite pants and shirts, I realize they are helping me recycle my memories.

From Bay Area to Bangalore - Year 2 - Last Post on series

This series like everything else in life needs closure. So here I go...

2 years, a time span that can be the longest of all times or shortest depending on what you went through during that time. It is a natural tendency for people to resist change. And a move from country Apple to country Orange which are poles apart in everything is indeed a huge change so the resistance from within can also expected to be equally huge. But once the metamorphosis is over and the new you emerges the new change becomes your new constant.  I had asked a  cousin who had moved back a few years before me how was life for her now. She said "You know my dad went to the astrologer with my horoscope when he came to know we were moving back. The astrologer said ' She will have difficult times for a few years after moving back, after that she will get used to it' ".

This, I found was the biggest truth of all. None of the things change or become better just because YOU decided to move back. You start getting used to it , you start accepting things as they are and eventually also come up with a way of working around it. Eventually the comparisons to things in US subside. You are not so startled with the unbelievably bad customer service. The unprofessional-ism and lack of ethics in people doesn't baffle you anymore, instead you kind of start expecting someone to suck at their job even before they start doing it. If they get it right you are pleasantly surprised(and I have still kept the good habit of tipping people for a job well done- which is not too often- lot of money saved). And if I want something done in a month , I start at asking for it by the end of 10 days.

Now for the good, the bad and the ugly. I must say there are good, bad and ugly in both places in almost equal measures( yeah surprising that is). US gave me the freedom of going anywhere anytime on my own. Here even thinking about driving gives me goosebumps. Even if I did venture out to the war zone(as my manager called our Blore roads when he came here for a visit) finding a parking and the actual act of parking is going to be the most stressful event of my life. I seriously cannot afford a heart attack at this point in my life. 
There was a time when I stayed home alone in US for 5 weeks and drove back home from work everyday at around 10 PM at night. I am almost 99.435% sure if I do that here, I will be a newspaper statistic.
The number of 'unexpected s' are far less in US. No sudden leaves from hired help, no power outages in the middle of a grinding session which was promoted by unexpected arrival of guests, no disruption to weekend schedule due to some unplanned function which will go on just as it will even if you don't show up anyways but yet you have to show up.No one to ring the bell like a million times(iron man, paper bill, courier, post there is no end to this nuisance) when you are seriously trying to work from home due to any of the above reasons. And back-up programs in US for after school is exemplary compared to the sad excuse we have here. With a minimum of 3 months off for kids from school this period though expected comes with new challenges every time it happens. 
One can be very private and guard their personal life fiercely in US. Unfortunately now I have to say that anyone with a good relationship with my maid can know about any facet of my life(Sigh!). Luckily for me, we are from very different walks of life and our circles don't intersect. 

On the other hand the same excessive population that crowds our roads and dirties our city, makes water and land scarce also gives us a hidden benefit in the form of affordable manpower. You can have an army of hired help ,which though unreliable can make a working couple's life very pleasant when they all actually show up.On the downside one should know how to cope when they are absent.
 The social fabric is strong. Our society is very tolerant towards family in general and kids in particular. I have never come even close to being judged when my kids (who have a general proficiency each on being extremely boisterous) misbehaved either in public or within the family circle. People just take it in stride and go extra length to even humor the kids sometimes. I am extremely grateful for not having to sit in 13 hour leg flights imprisoned with 2 out of control kids and 2 dozen judgmental people. If it takes a village to raise a child you have a country here which is ready to do just that a.k.a raise your child for you. Yes, that can also be annoying at times but mostly it is not.
Exposure is not at all bad in the public media, seriously there is nothing here that I cannot watch in the presence of my kids which means adults have a dull TV life.
 I cannot stress the abundance of good food here, in fact it is so abundant that after a few years of moving back you lose your craving of it, which is generally a good thing.
 Charity goes a long way, I have never had to throw away any piece of cloth, any piece of furniture , any piece of anything(even good food). There are people who take it gratefully from you. I cringe every time I think of things that I left back in US due lack of shipping space.I feel our hard earned money has a lot more bang for the buck here.

So if we do a impersonal comparison of the Apple and Orange I would say at the end of 2 years they both taste good if not the same. But then generalizations don't always work. Each one of us comes with a different personality type, a different family background, a different job expectation and end up doing different jobs. A person's experience can vary greatly beyond the general conclusion I gave depending on each of the things that will be different for them. But at the end of 2 years I can say that I think I will survive.

From Bay Area to Bangalore - Month 2

First Vacation:

Went to native place beginning of Jan. Brave decision to take the little terror called Akash all by myself. After many many years I get to meet my entire family in one package. Not taking Akash would have been a terrible mistake. The kid kept everyone extremely amused while driving them crazy at the same time. Overall full time pass. Enjoyed the stay at native after 12 years without having to worry about schedules and deadlines (SIGH!) and the pressure of not being able to cover everyone. Also the thought that I have the option to revisit my people whenever I want, if I want it, is very reassuring even though I may not exercise it anymore than before. Return back with heavy but happy heart.


The brave move:
Made the brave move of moving into a rental place with nothing but floors, walls, cupboards and some lights in it. Senior R2Ier's gave a good dose of moral boosting to take such a rash unreasonable step :). We finish the customary milk boiling and sleeping for 2 days at the new home ritual.Whatever you forget, don't miss all-out and of course a bottle of drinking water. The villa community at first seems a little unfriendly. [Note to self: Don't stare directly at new people's faces if you cannot smile at them or atleast smile back when they smile at you. If you are so curious to look, do it when the other party looks the other way, PULLEEZE.] Managed to talk to 2-3 neighbors. Once you initiate the convo it takes at least 4-5 mosquitoes to bite each party before the convo ends with annoyed swatting sounds. Paid for house cleaning in bulk, in advance. Huge mistake. After 1 US-style managed, and 2 micro managed sessions I decide to finish things on my own.

Busy shopping for vital stuff with little help from Hubby and a lot of help from BIL. I find a lot of variety, better prices than US. Even customer service is not too bad. Delivery is like almost free. All goods are delivered together but installation happens in phases @ different times. School admissions done. Both parents being engineers and of course having the needed green goes a long way in securing admissions. It is important that you try for admissions during Nov-Dec time frame for the next school year.

Traffic is bad. No surprises there. But what is bad about it is the surprise part. There are days when you reach home in 1 hr and there are days when it takes 3 hours. Some idiot driver and his silly mistake in a one lane road can easily make you lose 2 hrs of time with your kids. Sometimes that idiot driver can be your own. Civic sense is bad. The other day a whole bunch of people rushed past my handicapped BIL to get into the lift while I stared in sheer dis-belief. Seeing my expression one of the cousins said pretty audibly "this is not America" and still people carried on with unchanged expressions. I swore to myself I will never become like that.

Second round of general Social Observations:

I observe that people are generally much less offended when you are a local and have all the time in the world and don't visit them Vs. you come from abroad in very less time,are sick all the time and then don't visit them. Common sense dictates the reverse but I come to realize common sense has committed suicide here long back. Attending some distant relatives function is more important than setting up our own house. It is OK not to spend time with kids as long as you get your chit chat time with some general visitors. There is a mandatory obligation to invite atleast a dozen people for a ritual(the necessity of which itself is questionable) that can be easily completed with 4. One cannot question this without being looked upon like an alien outcast.

Food still takes the cake. But then again there is too much of a good thing. It is showing up on my waist. Not too happy about the new found personal growth. Have to curb the urge to splurge.

End of the day, it is just a game of time and patience here. You have to wait out the settling down game. There are no shortcuts or fast tracks to it. You have to suffer through the little pains, few annoying people, the irritating circumstances and unnecessary botheration before you develop a thick skin and start enjoying what is good here. Also one needs to be highly adaptable to change for a while and expect the un-expected all the time. There are days when I dream of my life in SJ and wake up pretty sad that I am not there. I ask myself often, why did I have to throw away a well packaged, perfectly tuned life that was running like clock work and really what is it that I am getting in return. I don't have an answer to that question, at least not yet.

From Bay Area to Bangalore - Month 1

Pre-Move
Leaving the place I lived in for 12 years, almost a third of my life and almost the whole of my adult life. Mixed feelings, resentment for having to leave a well settled life, my dearest friends, the work which I never felt was 'work':at the same time hope for something new ,something different, a break from the monotony probably. Scurry of good bye parties from beloved ones doesn't make it any easier to say exactly that.

Post-move:
Landed in Blore. The way the parted brothers greeted each other was priceless. Usual vacation like welcome and environment.A week or 2 go by that way.

Work:
Then comes first day of work. There is a beautiful campus with a clubhouse and other facilities and then there is an ugly building opposite to it where the spill over employees are housed till the 2 new buildings are constructed sometime mid year. No brownie points for guessing which building I get to sit in. I get a very high traffic open cubicle, but on the other side is the full view of outside. I get to keep an eye on the driver from the third floor. He doesn't know it. I am the only member of my team here. All processes are similar to Cisco SJ except for one major difference. When some one says something takes 2 hours , they actually mean 2 days. Hmm few more days go by and I realize that's true everywhere, not only at work. Now only if someone can make my manager understand the IST jargon..specially since I am on Indian payroll it should make all the sense *wink* *wink*.

Observations on life in general:
I feel life is in full color here with a lot of dimensions to it. The roads, the functions(in lieu of parties), shopping scene, the movie experience, everything is so alive. Every day is new and comes with different surprises, some time shocks but it still new :). Currently put up at in-laws, quite far from work. Commute each way takes couple of hours. I leave around 8:00 Am and am back around the same time PM. Sometimes I miss that monotony back 'home'. I miss being able to getup and grudgingly doing my treadmill. I miss making my own tea. I miss having my oatmeal with dry fruits while I browse through my mails. On the other hand, I love the filter coffee being handed to me as soon as get up in the morning. I love the fact that I don't HAVE to drive, and better still I don't ever have to listen KLOK 1170AM again. The radio scene is so awesome boss, what can I say, too many choices.

There are innumerable shopping choices. Getting to each choice takes a good chunk of time and dependence on someone(mostly driver). Sometimes I have to depend more on the driver than I depend on Hubby. Everything looks awesome when you buy it. It may or may not stay that way depending on your luck. How much you pay or where you shopped has no relevance.

Saved the best for the last , the food.THE food. THE FOOD. YUMMY! Everything is Yummy, food at home,food in functions, food in multicuisine hotels, food in international hotels, food on the street side, food in low end veg darshinis, all food is mind numbingly delicious with one exception, my cafeteria food. People really have to work hard to come up with that kind of tastelessness. I have started locking up my lunch along with my other precious belongings after eating only once at my cafeteria.

Lack of privacy is an issue. Maybe it is just the environment I am in. Generally life so far here has been a mix of some good days and some bad days, which is the case with life anyways. Looking forward for better days ahead like always.

More later..

Lesson 1: How to use the mouse and get past the lock

The mouse connects to a USB port on the side if it is a wired mouse. Sometimes a mouse can also be wireless. If you have a laptop the rectangle pad like area with 2 equal sized buttons on the bottom also serves as the mouse. Let us start learning with the regular 2 button wired USB mouse.

The demo graphics of mouse: Left button , right button.

First be comfortable with the mouse. It is a mouse not a bomb. Hold it and move around the screen till comfortable. Now take up a particular task like say move the mouse in precision around a large image.

Once comfortable , learn how to use the left mouse button. This is the most important click action to learn if you have to use the mouse effectively. Move the mouse to places where the cursor changes and try clicking on it to see what happens. Ok! First know what a cursor is . The small image that moves around when you move the mouse is a cursor.

There are 2 buttons on a mouse ,one on left and the other on right. The left button is the most heavily used button. Most of the select and open actions are done using this button .

Mouse single click and double click concept: The mouse button can be clicked just once or can be clicked twice in rapid motion. If you take a pregnant pause between 2 clicks they qualify as 2 single clicks and not a double click. Single click usually selects an item while double click opens it.

Mouse right click. The button on the right is used to do some secondary tasks .We will go to the details in a later class.

About computer security and unlocking the computer: You must have seen a box with some mumbo-jumbo in the center of the screen . When someone types a password into the screen it suddenly takes you into a screen that you want to see in the first place. That is called locking a computer. You lock a computer to avoid others from looking into all that private information you have put into it. A password is special secret word (can be a combination of letters and numbers and more) you type in to let you into the computer. Do not share the password with anyone who is not allowed to look into your computer.

Typing password, removing caps lock, getting in through enter or mouse click:

Type the password wherever it says password. If there is no word password anywhere but just a box with a button near it , type your password into it and press the button. Now you can use your newly learnt mouse moving and clicking skill to click the button after typing the password , or you can press the button in the keyboard with the word “Enter” on it. Both of these actions take you into the computer.

Tip of the day: Don’t click while you move and don’t move while you click.

Assignment:

1>Unlock the computer with your password.

2>Move the mouse to one of the icons(images with some text on the bottom) on the desktop screen.

3>Double-click to open it.

4> Whatever opens press the X button on the top right corner to close it.

5>Repeat steps 1-4 till you are not afraid of the mouse and it’s workings anymore.

Computer Lessons for the senior citizens.

We have an old adage from where I come. It goes " if you couldn't bend the seedling, bending the tree is out of question". This adage manifested itself in front of me more than once as I was trying to teach my double-graduate soft skills challenged mom the basic use of computers. The mistake we do is we 'assume' they have to know some basic stuff. It blows yours mind at the way they struggle with some things which are allegedly simple like say keyboard and mouse use.

I am starting this blog as an ongoing journal of the small baby steps to take to achieve complete computer literacy for the generation that missed out on the wonderful world of computers and internet.

Pre-requirements are:

1>The course assumes you right-handed. My mom is, so ..
2>Ability to read and understand instructions in English.
3> Ofcourse access to a computer with an external mouse.